Your Love Is My Drug!

Happy first of June! To you it might not be a big deal but to me, this year at least, it really is. The Strommen family has a tradition where we all compete to be the first one to say "Rabbit Rabbit" on the first of any month - if you're the first person, you're going to have a great month. I have no idea why we started this; I guess it's just another one of our "superstitions" but it's stuff like this that just endears me to my family even more. Sure, I hate them sometimes like any normal person, but sometimes when I take a step back and look at the 6 of us, I just feel so blessed.

I didn't win the Rabbit Rabbit game this month - my mom did, but I know I'm still going to have a great month. I know it with every particle of my being - NOTHING is going to get me down or can even TRY to get me down this June! I'm going to Camp Phillip for the next three months starting on June 6th, and literally the day after that finishes I'm going to start a whole new chapter of my life at MLC in New Ulm, MN. I sometimes still can't believe I decided to transfer there and leave everything in Madison behind. I literally love Madison and, more importantly, I love the people there. They've forever changed me and my 2 years in that city have changed me more than anything in the 18 years before it. I'm going to miss Madison more than I can convince you with words in this blog to believe - it makes my chest hurt and eyes water just thinking about it sometimes.

I've always been someone to just put up with things if they're not going how I want; I'll always just stick it out instead of trying to change the situation I'm in because I want the people around me to feel good. Is that good? Is that bad? This semester I found the answer: sometimes, just laboring through things is bad. Not saying what you think or what you feel can be the most disastrous force in your social arsenal. Tight-lippedness can fracture good relationships, break your heart, and shatter your relative contentment. It's destructive. Its debilitating. And I am done with it.

I'm not keeping my lips shut anymore.

I went to Camp yesterday to just hang out and play games with some of my friends and had this huge moment of enlightenment on the drive home that prompted this blog post and made me more centered and content than I have been for around a year. Hanging out with my Camp friends was humbling - it showed me once again how truly awesome God is and reinforced to me the fact that He does have a plan and is not going to let me down no matter what. As long as I stick with Him, He's going to take care of me and continue to bless my friendships. I don't have to hold my tongue or watch myself to try and be "cool" enough for my real friends - they love me for who I am, with all my quirks and oddities, and so does God! I'm good enough for them. I can say anything to them. I don't have to hold anything back. I'm inherently "me" around them, not some close-mouthed shadow of myself like I've been lately.

So enough with the holding and hiding, the sadness smothered by smiles and the loneliness masked with laughter. Enough. With summer really here, I'm ready to fully throw caution to the wind and shake loose the regret and doubt I've carried all semester. I'm finally done with it all. I'm finally completely sure that whatever my future holds, He has a plan and I don't need to be afraid. I have more love in my life than I could have ever imagined; why ask for anything more?

I may not have won Rabbit Rabbit this month, but I have won the huge prize of peace of mind. I'm high off of love, and with this love as my drug as my gurrrl Ke$ha so "profoundly" says, I'm ready to take everything that comes my way holding His hand. I've found my voice and my confidence again. Surprise me, summer!

YOUR LOVE IS MY DRUG!